Really enjoyed this Claudia. Love the emotion descriptions and character interactions. The Ghost is an intriguing character. The dialogue is a little too staccato for me, I struggled twice to work out the speaker. Looking forward to the next part!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your feedback, Johnathan. Glad to read that the emotions of the characters came across and that the interactions resonated. It's probably the only piece I've written so far where I relied less on descriptions of the surroundings and more on the characters and the plot. I wasn't sure if the latest works as well as the first. Good to know that it did! ☺️
May I ask where were those two places where you lost who was talking? I really dislike having to read twice because I don't 'who talks now'. Thanks 🙏
1) You’re not wearing a bee suit.’ / 'Cool' / 'The bees have muscles?’ / 'They’re beefy.’
2) ‘Wow!’
I think it's the children responding anonymously or en-masse, but for me it disrupts the 1-to-1 convo. But maybe it's a deliberate interruption to show the children are still milling about them as they talk.
Yes, these are the children talking and interrupting the adults. I didn't want to create characters for them, but perhaps I can still find a way to attribute the dialogue to them. Do you think this would work? Maybe I just cut these lines altogether. There's enough dialogue as it is.
I think it's OK to keep a reminder of setting, but maybe cut one 'children' and one 'Mason' interrupt (he asks for the corn twice using the same sentence).
I really liked the scene when they all stare at the Ghost and Mason goes to poke him. A very vivid scene. Through the Ghost's dialogue, he is losing a lot of the mystery and threat, yet remains intriguing. We cannot be sure which side he is on, or can we?
Thank you for reading Alexander and for your feedback. Always very appreciated. 💚 The Ghost is a deceiving character. It will remain to be seen which side suits him best.
That's true and it's fantastic to have this community here to point me in the right direction. I'm quite set in the story and where it's going but, surprisingly, there is still so much wiggle room to include feedback from readers. It's great to get impressions in real time and in such a direct manner about the characters and story aspects that are most exciting for those who don't live in the story world for as long as I did and can look at it with fresh eyes and minds.
The artist’s work is never finished ;) Feedback always has to be weighed and measured, ultimately it is the author’s call. The way the Ghost was introduced I naturally assumed he/she/it would play a bigger role, plus it’s a fun character, so many possibilities! 😎
I never quite took to the game as much or others (I had a fair few issues with some of the choices and dialogue from the protagonist), but it's a fascinating premise the robot had this specific manner that was at times somewhat unsettling. Those are my random Monday thoughts 🤪
Thanks for reading and for your feedback, Nathan. Always a pleasure hearing from you and an encouragement to know that you keep on reading my stories. With 'The Seed Grower' I am actually done (re-)writing the two stories from 'There Is Hope' that I started a long time ago. The following three stories will be completely fresh and I am curious how this will impact my writing process. Maybe it will be more spontaneous and intuitive. Or maybe not. I certainly hope it won't take years like with the initial two stories.
I'm glad to read that you enjoyed the interactions between the characters. It's a layer that was partly added during the first drafts but mainly refined in the last edits. Still not so sure about the dialogues but working on it. When I had to write screenplays I always panicked a bit because everything was dialogue!!! 😱 Also great to know that the tension of the plot came across. This was the main edit of the last version and what I was pondering on for the past two weeks. I had to reflect a lot on how to construct this and weave it in the story.
Thank you for the resources on the Ghost! This character will be definitely recurring and I would love to have more inspiration for it. One inspiration point is Hal from 'Space Odyssey', I love the idea of an ambiguous AI, emotionally savvy, manipulative and with an own agenda. It kind of mimics human nature but with a touch of tech madness. I also love the idea of an AI that gains a certain level or autonomy from their algorithms and makers, I want to explore the idea at least, though it's hard to get into the mind of such an AI.
I can totally understand Hal being a point of inspiration. That whole concept of an AI that gains a certain level of autonomy is a fascinating one, and ever more relevant perhaps...
That's awesome about how the next few stories will be completely fresh. Exciting. Will be interested to hear your thoughts on how the experience is.
After all our chats about the writing process I am also curious on how this will go. Am I a pantser or a plotter? 😜
I keep asking ChatGPT about the potential of AI gaining autonomy. The answer is always that the algorithms will determine that. Don't know if the answer itself is determined by algorithms or not, but it seems like the humans creating these machines essentially define everything while the machine is made to serve. Who will it ultimately serve though? And how?
^urgh that link looks horrible sorry. That's copied from my google podcast feed. If it doesn't work then you should be able to find via any of the major podcast apps.
The linked worked (despite its unattractiveness) and I'm excite to dive in. It will help me with a piece of non-fiction that I started writing today. So thanks 💚
Regarding the writing process... that's exactly right: we shall see. I want us to have this talk again in ten years after writing and publishing countless stories. Maybe by then I'll have a better understanding of process. 😅
Fantastic, Claudia. Great tension built through the initial calm, alongside the everpresent presence of the Ghost, that really builds toward the end. I was thinking: Will she? Won't she? What will happen if she does?!!
This line captured Fanny and Alaska so well:
‘Do you want me to persuade you not to do it?’ Fanny says, looking into her sister’s eyes. ‘Or did you already persuade yourself?’
I can really sense two sisters looking at each other in this moment.
And then the ending! And now I'm wanting to know what will happen next.
Really enjoyed this Claudia. Love the emotion descriptions and character interactions. The Ghost is an intriguing character. The dialogue is a little too staccato for me, I struggled twice to work out the speaker. Looking forward to the next part!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your feedback, Johnathan. Glad to read that the emotions of the characters came across and that the interactions resonated. It's probably the only piece I've written so far where I relied less on descriptions of the surroundings and more on the characters and the plot. I wasn't sure if the latest works as well as the first. Good to know that it did! ☺️
May I ask where were those two places where you lost who was talking? I really dislike having to read twice because I don't 'who talks now'. Thanks 🙏
1) You’re not wearing a bee suit.’ / 'Cool' / 'The bees have muscles?’ / 'They’re beefy.’
2) ‘Wow!’
I think it's the children responding anonymously or en-masse, but for me it disrupts the 1-to-1 convo. But maybe it's a deliberate interruption to show the children are still milling about them as they talk.
Yes, these are the children talking and interrupting the adults. I didn't want to create characters for them, but perhaps I can still find a way to attribute the dialogue to them. Do you think this would work? Maybe I just cut these lines altogether. There's enough dialogue as it is.
I think it's OK to keep a reminder of setting, but maybe cut one 'children' and one 'Mason' interrupt (he asks for the corn twice using the same sentence).
Thank you for the tip. I'll review the piece and cut those. This is great feedback.
I really liked the scene when they all stare at the Ghost and Mason goes to poke him. A very vivid scene. Through the Ghost's dialogue, he is losing a lot of the mystery and threat, yet remains intriguing. We cannot be sure which side he is on, or can we?
Thank you for reading Alexander and for your feedback. Always very appreciated. 💚 The Ghost is a deceiving character. It will remain to be seen which side suits him best.
The best kind of character! 👌
It seemed to be a favourite in this story. I'll need to bring him back.
Definitely! Can't waste a character just like that! ;)
That's true and it's fantastic to have this community here to point me in the right direction. I'm quite set in the story and where it's going but, surprisingly, there is still so much wiggle room to include feedback from readers. It's great to get impressions in real time and in such a direct manner about the characters and story aspects that are most exciting for those who don't live in the story world for as long as I did and can look at it with fresh eyes and minds.
The artist’s work is never finished ;) Feedback always has to be weighed and measured, ultimately it is the author’s call. The way the Ghost was introduced I naturally assumed he/she/it would play a bigger role, plus it’s a fun character, so many possibilities! 😎
Really wonderful story, Claudia. I finally got a chance to read it.
Thanks so much, Ben. Really appreciate the feedback. 🙏
PS it's not at all the same thing, but reading of the Ghost really evoked in my mind the robot in the game Heaven's Vault: https://store.steampowered.com/app/774201/Heavens_Vault
I never quite took to the game as much or others (I had a fair few issues with some of the choices and dialogue from the protagonist), but it's a fascinating premise the robot had this specific manner that was at times somewhat unsettling. Those are my random Monday thoughts 🤪
Thanks for reading and for your feedback, Nathan. Always a pleasure hearing from you and an encouragement to know that you keep on reading my stories. With 'The Seed Grower' I am actually done (re-)writing the two stories from 'There Is Hope' that I started a long time ago. The following three stories will be completely fresh and I am curious how this will impact my writing process. Maybe it will be more spontaneous and intuitive. Or maybe not. I certainly hope it won't take years like with the initial two stories.
I'm glad to read that you enjoyed the interactions between the characters. It's a layer that was partly added during the first drafts but mainly refined in the last edits. Still not so sure about the dialogues but working on it. When I had to write screenplays I always panicked a bit because everything was dialogue!!! 😱 Also great to know that the tension of the plot came across. This was the main edit of the last version and what I was pondering on for the past two weeks. I had to reflect a lot on how to construct this and weave it in the story.
Thank you for the resources on the Ghost! This character will be definitely recurring and I would love to have more inspiration for it. One inspiration point is Hal from 'Space Odyssey', I love the idea of an ambiguous AI, emotionally savvy, manipulative and with an own agenda. It kind of mimics human nature but with a touch of tech madness. I also love the idea of an AI that gains a certain level or autonomy from their algorithms and makers, I want to explore the idea at least, though it's hard to get into the mind of such an AI.
I can totally understand Hal being a point of inspiration. That whole concept of an AI that gains a certain level of autonomy is a fascinating one, and ever more relevant perhaps...
That's awesome about how the next few stories will be completely fresh. Exciting. Will be interested to hear your thoughts on how the experience is.
After all our chats about the writing process I am also curious on how this will go. Am I a pantser or a plotter? 😜
I keep asking ChatGPT about the potential of AI gaining autonomy. The answer is always that the algorithms will determine that. Don't know if the answer itself is determined by algorithms or not, but it seems like the humans creating these machines essentially define everything while the machine is made to serve. Who will it ultimately serve though? And how?
And teehee re: writing process. We shall see 😅😉😊
Yeah super interesting. I was actually just listening to a podcast today that touched on this. Lex Fridman interviewing Joscha Bach.
Prepare to have your mind melted if you take a listen (and haven't already listened): https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9sZXhmcmlkbWFuLmNvbS9mZWVkL3BvZGNhc3Qv/episode/aHR0cHM6Ly9sZXhmcmlkbWFuLmNvbS8_cD01NjE4?ep=14
^urgh that link looks horrible sorry. That's copied from my google podcast feed. If it doesn't work then you should be able to find via any of the major podcast apps.
The linked worked (despite its unattractiveness) and I'm excite to dive in. It will help me with a piece of non-fiction that I started writing today. So thanks 💚
Regarding the writing process... that's exactly right: we shall see. I want us to have this talk again in ten years after writing and publishing countless stories. Maybe by then I'll have a better understanding of process. 😅
OK, I've set a calendar notification for 10 years from now ;)
Fantastic, Claudia. Great tension built through the initial calm, alongside the everpresent presence of the Ghost, that really builds toward the end. I was thinking: Will she? Won't she? What will happen if she does?!!
This line captured Fanny and Alaska so well:
‘Do you want me to persuade you not to do it?’ Fanny says, looking into her sister’s eyes. ‘Or did you already persuade yourself?’
I can really sense two sisters looking at each other in this moment.
And then the ending! And now I'm wanting to know what will happen next.