Thank you for sharing. I’m an avid reader. I sometimes skip entire chapters because an author waddles on and on without gaining my interest. Your story sparked my imagination and I felt like I was there. All five senses activated. Looking forward to the rest of the story.
Jul 25, 2023·edited Jul 25, 2023Liked by Claudia Befu
Stunning, Claudia. This will certainly need another read as I'm likely to have missed some nuanced details, but your descriptive language here is beautiful. There's a rich texture to the words that fits the plants and spaces being described, you've nailed that all so well. So much detail and such a believable world being crafted. Love the links with the other stories already told. Love the notion of the Dust Road, the background details that come later on in this piece.
If I were to offer any critique, it would only be in the early dialogue of the sisters and some exposition in their lines that naturally comes through later on towards the very end. Some of that dialogue could be more restrained given you tell it later. But, that's my usual desire of wanting things to be kept hidden from me as a reader 😅
Would Alaska really have forgotten about the corn blight?
Also, after Alexander's comment last week I'm now left seeing dialogue attribution everywhere I look, and maybe I'd snip a few here, but that's again just my own editing tastes.
Also, in reading this, I realise a part of our stories collide in theme (Precipice, I mean). An inevitable collision perhaps, given the subject, (and not necessarily a bad one of course) but it makes me wonder on me shifting focus a bit. But maybe it's ok having a different angle on a similar theme (though my descriptions would not do justice what yours have here! 😊)
Anyway, me rambling as usual. Beautiful work. Beautifully crafted words.
I will let you get back to your writing. I find plotting sometimes distracting when I know where I want my story to go, but it somehow heads off in its own direction. I need to remember to let the plot develop as it will.
I am not a hard core tech guy, though I appreciate the benefits it can bring to our lives. Sometimes it occupies too much of our lives, when we should be appreciating nature and each other more. We create the tech. it is how it is used that concerns me.
Love this world infused with sensory detail! My husband is a copywriter in the robotic agricultural industry, actually-- and we frequently comment on how his work sounds like sci fi.
Loved this piece, Claudia, and am excited for the next installment to hit my inbox.
I started my writing journey off with intentions of becoming a screenwriter (and continue to write scripts on occasion), so I'd love to read the screenplay version as well! Sorry to hear in your notes that that process didn't go as hoped, but I'm sure glad that it led you here, to this collection, and to Substack.
I enjoy world building stories. I am fascinated by your dystopian world although I am not normally a fan of dystopian fiction. I am particularly interested in the dust pirates.
A stunning first look into this world! I’m so here for the seed-growers and bee-keepers. Definitely taking notes.
What do u mean by white water I mean water is colorless right?
Thank you for sharing. I’m an avid reader. I sometimes skip entire chapters because an author waddles on and on without gaining my interest. Your story sparked my imagination and I felt like I was there. All five senses activated. Looking forward to the rest of the story.
Stunning, Claudia. This will certainly need another read as I'm likely to have missed some nuanced details, but your descriptive language here is beautiful. There's a rich texture to the words that fits the plants and spaces being described, you've nailed that all so well. So much detail and such a believable world being crafted. Love the links with the other stories already told. Love the notion of the Dust Road, the background details that come later on in this piece.
If I were to offer any critique, it would only be in the early dialogue of the sisters and some exposition in their lines that naturally comes through later on towards the very end. Some of that dialogue could be more restrained given you tell it later. But, that's my usual desire of wanting things to be kept hidden from me as a reader 😅
Would Alaska really have forgotten about the corn blight?
Also, after Alexander's comment last week I'm now left seeing dialogue attribution everywhere I look, and maybe I'd snip a few here, but that's again just my own editing tastes.
Also, in reading this, I realise a part of our stories collide in theme (Precipice, I mean). An inevitable collision perhaps, given the subject, (and not necessarily a bad one of course) but it makes me wonder on me shifting focus a bit. But maybe it's ok having a different angle on a similar theme (though my descriptions would not do justice what yours have here! 😊)
Anyway, me rambling as usual. Beautiful work. Beautifully crafted words.
I will let you get back to your writing. I find plotting sometimes distracting when I know where I want my story to go, but it somehow heads off in its own direction. I need to remember to let the plot develop as it will.
I am not a hard core tech guy, though I appreciate the benefits it can bring to our lives. Sometimes it occupies too much of our lives, when we should be appreciating nature and each other more. We create the tech. it is how it is used that concerns me.
I am looking forward to seeing how todays tech. might evolve in the future
Love this world infused with sensory detail! My husband is a copywriter in the robotic agricultural industry, actually-- and we frequently comment on how his work sounds like sci fi.
Loved this piece, Claudia, and am excited for the next installment to hit my inbox.
I started my writing journey off with intentions of becoming a screenwriter (and continue to write scripts on occasion), so I'd love to read the screenplay version as well! Sorry to hear in your notes that that process didn't go as hoped, but I'm sure glad that it led you here, to this collection, and to Substack.
Hope you've had a great week!
I enjoy world building stories. I am fascinated by your dystopian world although I am not normally a fan of dystopian fiction. I am particularly interested in the dust pirates.