22 Comments
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Ben Wakeman's avatar

Great beginning, Claudia! Excited to see where you take the story in the compelling world you've started to build.

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Claudia Befu's avatar

Thanks for reading, Ben! Really appreciate your feedback. 🫶

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Larry Hogue's avatar

This looks very promising! Great world building, as always. I can feel how The Expanse might have influenced the grittiness of this world.

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Claudia Befu's avatar

The Expanse, Dune, Mad Max, the full moon party and Burning Man 😁!

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Johnathan Reid's avatar

Definite Mad Max and Burning Man vibes!

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Claudia Befu's avatar

Thank you, I’m happy that it came through!

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Nadia Gerassimenko's avatar

I love how poetic the story is. I'm especially enamored with the lines "Rivers of sweat run on his bare skin under the new ventilation biosuit made of supple plastic in his favorite color, blue. Blue like the sky. Blue like freshwater rivers melting from the Arctic. Blue like the last ice." The last phrase an aching yearning.

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Claudia Befu's avatar

Thank you for reading, Nadia, and for your feedback. My background is in poetry, I’m happy that it can be transferred to prose.

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Nadia Gerassimenko's avatar

A poet knows ;-). That is awesome!

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Alexander Ipfelkofer's avatar

Choosing the POV of Sanse and Kiko works well and draws us in. Lots of sensory details, too. I got a bit of a Mad Max vibe for some reason, as did others. Great start!

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Claudia Befu's avatar

Love that you got the Mad Max vibe. It was definitely an inspiration! Thanks for reading Alexander and for the feedback!

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Nathan Slake's avatar

Excellent, Claudia. Great detail (as always). It's a rich future world you paint.

I like the intrigue here, and the sense of viewpoint from Sanse and Kiko, keeping some things unknown and building the tension. Great start. Looking forward to where this goes.

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Claudia Befu's avatar

Thank you, Nathan, I always look forward to your feedback. Hope the next parts will deliver on the promise.

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Michael Spencer's avatar

It's quite compelling and accessible. Great reading.

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Claudia Befu's avatar

Thanks for reading and for the feedback, Michael! 🙏💚

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Johnathan Reid's avatar

An excellent start - I felt the tension build to the ending! Fabulous mixture of old and new, tech and religion. The realisation of the characters are being teased just enough, and your world-building is top-notch, as always. I love the structure names. Give me the next episode to read now!

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Claudia Befu's avatar

Thanks, Johnathan, always appreciate your feedback!

I think that mixing religion with tech and futurism is an unexplored niche. Especially with climate change and all the hardships that we already feel, the disenchantment with the modern world, the natural destruction, all this will push people to new ways of thinking and spirituality will play a big role in the future. It might start by digging out old religions but I don’t think it will stop there. Octavia Butler did a fantastic job of mixing in religion in her Parable Series. The religion she created had a profound impact on me.

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Johnathan Reid's avatar

I have the same thinking. The novels I'm working on include the clash between Eastern and Western orthodoxies, especially with regard to 'the individual vs. community', as a key theme.

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Claudia Befu's avatar

This is also a great angle and topic to address. Do you know this book: Geert Hofstede ‘Cultures and organizations’?

https://geerthofstede.com/hofstede-books/

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Johnathan Reid's avatar

No, I didn't - but my wife has! Thanks for highlighting it. From my Zürich Book Club experience, it's the type of cultural book that is recognised and discussed more widely on the European mainland. The early humanities / STEM split in the British education system often makes such topics more esoteric and inaccessible to a general audience. But I was already aware of another good intercultural book (which might reference Hofstede's work): 'The Culture Map' by Erin Meyer. https://erinmeyer.com/books/the-culture-map/

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Claudia Befu's avatar

I’ve heard of the culture map but never read it. I’m generally very intriguingly by cultural differences and how to navigate them. Right now I’m back in the country in which I was born and lived almost half of my life and I notice things I’ve never noticed before. It’s crazy!

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Jun 30
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Claudia Befu's avatar

Thanks, Keyon, really appreciate your support!

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